Day 9 - another thought

Why when you are waiting for a lift or traffic light where you have clearly already presses the button do subsequent attendees atthe situation always rock up, give you a bemused look and then subtely press the button.

Absolutely worst is when the lift or light immediately on them pressing, mysteriously then arrive just as they press! Grrrrrrr

Day 9 - a handy tip

If putting olives in a salad that you ate going to use in a salad wrap, make sure and use pitted olives.

Days 4 - 8: the good and the bad

Right, I need to get you up to speed quickly lest this all become a problem. Some good some bad from the weekend and lots of exercise:

Day 4 dinner: vegetable mussaka, ratatouille, garlic bread, dips, vegetables, low fat tirramasou for pud an lots of rum and diet coke

Day 5 breakfast: two pittas and salsa

Day 5 lunch: tuna, pitta, dips, ratatouille

Day 6 dinner: Mexican, sizzling beef and rice, a couple of nachos, one chicken wing, a potato skin, half a chocolate pudding and a cocktail or three

Day 7 breakfast: cheerios and skimmed milk

Day 7 lunch: baked potato, tuna, low fat grated cheese, lots of salad

Day 7 dinner: soup, 2 bagels one with cream cheese and one with humous, a couple of pieces of cake

Day 8: breakfast, porridge with skimmed milk, grapes (multi coloured of course)

Day 8: lunch, two home made wraps with cottage cheese and salad, apple, banananana, diet coke

Day 8: dinner - organic veggie soup, lemon sole in bread crumbs, brown rice and veg

Exercise count: cross trained for 30 minutes on each of Saturday, Sunday and Monday, burning just over 900 calories in total.

Some bad meals to start the weekend but some brilliant exercise, the week will continue to improve, I promise.

Day 4 - Lunch: ITSU!

First meal out of the office in 5 days! Better updated promissed once life gets back to normal.

Itsu Vegetable Noodles - Good value at around 460 calories and 7g of fat
Edmame Beans - food you can play with!

There was a diet coke somewhere this afternoon also and some water..

Day 4 - Breakfast: Fruity

Coffee avec Skimmed Milk

Pear, Bananananana and technicolour grapes

Weigh in this morning was at 19 Stone 6 pounds ie 272 pounds. We have a year, I think an aspirational aim is to lose 4 stone 6 pounds to get me to a fighting weight of 15 stone. If I can achieve this by 362 days time and then aim to maintain this for the wedding, this will be simply incredible.

So 62 pounds to lose in 362 days = an average of 1.2 pounds a week or 5.16 pounds a month.

Next weigh in is a week today, lets go to it!

Day 3 - Dinner: zzzzzz

Working very unsociable hours at the moment and therefore a short one this evening:

Brown Pasta and Homemade Ratatouie - tres bon

Coffee, coffee, coffee.....zzzzzz

Big weigh in tomorrow, woo hoo!

Day 3 - Lunch: False Promise

The inside information which you received yesterday regarding the possibility of wraps today was unfounded, however do not despare - yet another lovely homemade salad was prepared which was consumed together with a couple of bits of bread as demonstrated in our lovely picture. Lunch also included the now obligatory diet coke, an apple and our usual handful of red and green grapes.

This afternoon as as a snack we have had some raisins, another instant coffee with skimmed milk and a go-ahead bar type thingy (160 cals and 3.6g of fat). Dont think this is particularly good value for my calories and fat - may need to rethink...

I was just thinking, what we really need hear is a food expert of sorts or indeed a panel of food experts and possibly chefs who can rate each days consumptions and give nutritional advice and comment to our intrepid dieter. Anyone out there?

Alternatively we could just have some encouragement, words of support, I suppose even abuse would be nice to know someone is out there.

Anyway, having checked the mirror again in the bathroom at work it appears I am still not yet thin so i think that we will need to do this more scientificly. Think we will have a weigh in tomorrow to start the ball rolling and update this each friday as a treat for all of you.

Big mission for the weekend is to do some exercise and post exhaustive (get it?) details of this here for your review and dissemniation.

Adios

Day 3 - Breakfast: Another quickie

The dreaded Instant Coffee and Skimmed Milk

Porridge with Skimmed Milk: "Exclusively grown and milled in Scotland"

Pear - Like a Bear but with a "P" and less hairy - and a photo - for no reason other than I can.

Day 2 - Dinner: No preservatives!

A quick one this evening only as I have now eaten 9 consecutive meals in the office and would dearly like to go home soon.

Dinner was a M&S "Eat Well" Beef Stroganoff, long grain rice & a creamy mushroom and Brandy - not terrible nutriotional value at 460 calories and 10.4g of fat for the job lot.

Also, very nice to see that you can buy a ready meal that includes no artificial colourings, preservatives, E Numbers or anything else untoward whatsoever. All ingredients are as you would expect, rice, beef, onions, ground bay leaves, leeks, garlic puree, tomato puree etc.

Compare this to my raisins from earlier. Now we would expect that a packet of raisins would just include raisins, right? Sadly not, my packet of raisins contained both Seedless Raisins and Vegetable Oil as a Glazing Agent. What is the world coming to!

See you tomorrow!

Day 2 - Lunch: More Home Made Goodness

Another lunch, another salad.

My fiancee (who was responsible for my lovely salad) has kindly pointed out that I keep on referring to her as my fiance which would make her a chap. Nothing wrong with that of course but nonetheless I will watch my spelling going forward

Homemade Salad with grated low fat cheese and cous cous - A lot better for me than any of the various offerings from Pret, Eat etc however probably not quite as healthy as my cottage cheese extravaganza from yesterday. I have inside information that tomorrow may involve wraps!

Apple

Pear

Coke Zero - Mizing it up after yesterdays Diet Coke excitement

And a further bag of Snack A Jacks (Salt & Vinegar) this afternoon - These are a very hip snack indeed, the back of the packet refers to "The low down...." in very cool writing as opposed to the usual Nutritional Information. For those that care 89 calories and 1.6gees of fat.

To avoid the temptations of the vending machine I have in place another Tesco Low Fat Yogurt which thankfully does not contain any Beetroot and a childs pack of Raisins.

Admin

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Day 2 - Breakfast: 24 Hours in...

Well well well, did any of us think we would end up here. 24 Hours down and going strong!

I must admit, given my super job yesterday I was expecting to be thin this morning but when I finally fully checked myself out in the mirror it would appear that I am still fat. Nonetheless on we plod, I expect I will be thin by tomorrow but we will just have to see and in any event we have 364 fun filled days to go.

364 days left, it almost feels like we don't have enough time left together!

Anyhoo, back to business...

Porridge with Skimmed Milk: Warming!

Instant Coffee with Skimmed Milk: This is getting desperate, tempted to treat myself to an espresso later.

Banana: Not sure what to say really, its a banana - nature's favourite practical joke.

Day 1 - Dinner: Asian Night!

As we bring Day 1 to a close I have to say it has been a true pleasure updating you today. Even though clearly noone is reading this, and possibly ever will, I feel a bond to you, my imaginary followers and hope that tomorrow our voage of discovery and hunger will continue.

Asian Themed Delicacies for this evening courtesy of my long suffering fiance!

Homemade Vegetable Stirfry - another picture! god bless technology

Edamame Beans - fun to say and fun to eat! and another picture, you lucky devils

And to finish, an apple a pear and a big bottle of water!

Night night

Day 1 - Snack Attack: What do normal people do in between lunch and dinner?

In that long lonely void between lunch and dinner often one needs a snack or pick me up to ensure that this long barren period can be managed:

Pack of Salt and Vinegar Snack-A-Jacks - hmmmm salty

Another Instant Coffee with more White Water / Skimmed Milk

Day 1 - Lunch: Vending Machine Stereotypes

Homemade Salad with Cottage Cheese - No Really, see the lovely picture

Handful of Grapes - Both red and green, how very diverse of me

Tescos Low Fat Strawberry Yogurt - Worryingly this contains Rice Starch and Beetroot Juice from Concentrate!

Diet Coke - A necessary evil

I was all ready to celebrate the momentous occasion of having managed to eat sensibly for two consecutive meals by indulging in a diet coke so off I plodded to the scene of so many of my failings, the office vending machine. I had my 50p piece ready and proudly inserted this into the machine knowing that whilst diet coke wasn't exactly natures finest it was certainly better than a bounty or a packet of crisps. Alas - my shiny silver hexagon would not be accepted and whilst I scrambled to find some alternate currency someone else sneaked into the coffee area and looked over to see me scrambling for coins at the vending machine. With a knowing glance they nodded and picked up their drink and wandered out secretly feeling sorry for me and my chocolate grabbing ways. Having by this point obtained my cursed beverage I was sorely tempted to run them down, sit on them, proudly display my diet coke and explain that I wasn't indeed buying chocolate or crisps or even full fat coke however this would probably be considered "inappropriate office behaviour" and therefore I trudged back to my desk crestfallen.

Just finished the yogurt which thankfully didnt taste of Beetroot or Rice or strangely enough Strawberry.

Day 1 - Breakfast: Is Skimmed Milk just White Water?

Walking from the train to work I shuffled past pret, starbucks, mcdonalds et al looking at my feet lest my old friends tempt me with their savoury wares.

Instant Coffee with Skimmed Milk - Better than a venti latte with hazelnut syrup

Instant Porridge with Skimmed Milk + an Apple - Better than any type of muffin, sandwich, fried breakfast, coco pops, etc

Is Skimmed Milk really milk or is it actually just white water? I have my doubts...

Also does anyone (not that anyone reads this - Hi Mum!) - think that its weird that we drink the milk of another animal on a daily basis? just a thought...

See you at Lunch!

Capri sun?

Just in case anyone is unfamiliar with the delights of Capri sun and why it's hard to stick a straw in one, please see http://www.capri-sun.co.uk/.

Why?

The idea? Publish a thrice daily account of everything I imbide, digest or consume for a year so as to attempt to guilt myself into losing weight by exposing any moments of frailty and weakness to the scorn and dismay of the general populace (well my mum and anyone else who accidently finds this).

The title? That came courtesy of a weasel of a child that I spent too much of my senior school career sitting next to. I am sure he was (and indeed now is) perfectly charming however given that we were both upset about our lowly rung upon the hierchical ladder, me because I was fat and retiring, him because he was short and unpleasant smelling we inevitably strayed towards each other and also tormented each other relentlessly. So, about the title, one day upon seeing me enjoying a Capri sun ( once I'd got the straw into the darn thing) he noted to our surrounding classmates that he had observed a number of fat types in his career and they all drunk Capri sun, a previously unknown trend. On another occasion he noted that they all had my hair cut too (short with a fringe as was the style of the time). Now whilst these gross generalisations were - I assume - total nonsense of the playground sort they have set the tone for the remainder of my time among the sweatier members of society. If anyone can prove to me scientfically that being fat, consuming capri sun and having short hair are in any way linked then please get in contact with me and drop a line to weight watchers immediately and tell them that they are wasting their time and that you have the secret to fatness and that they can stop buggering around with their points.


Assuming that this is not the case then the Capri sun incident represents for me the general attitude that people have towards fat people, and how being fat generally pervades all aspects of ones existence. I was at the optician last week as I had a sore eye and the friendly eye doctor gave me some drops and by way of an aside made a point of telling me that exercise is good for stress levels - now whilst I am sure this is true I decided that what he was really meaning was that I should exercise because I am fat and clearly I don't know that exercise helps fat people because if I did I wouldn't be fat. In the street people will actually stop and say alright big fellow, and whenever I order food I get a dissaproving look from the staff, if it's a pizza in their head saying - this is why u are fat, and if it's a diet coke and a salad saying - why bother you fatty. To be honest i can't remember ever ordering a salad but I am sure that is what would happen in any event. People at work refer to it in a joking way, people when out drinking feel the need to pat me on the stomach (my bum would do) - in fact one friend tried to play a drum solo on my stomach whilst we were dancing, another (supposedly a very good friend of mine) upon meeting my now fiancé asked was she not worried to sleep next to me in case I rolled over and flattened her! When I was younger and in holiday one boy I was friendly with referred to me as Pam on account of my moobs, my dad was so embarressed that he said I had to go up and threaten to punch the guy unless he stopped. So all unpleasant then...


Now clearly I have my part to play in this, I have eaten some of the most ridiculous things known to man kind - I have had additional lunches so often one would think there was a legitemate meal between 11 and 1 in your average day. I always make enough every meal to take a portion into work the next day for lunch and always finish it that night. I am never hungry but always eating.

Fat = lies? Of course fattys like me are rarely honest with you, I often tell people that I have a lot of natural muscle build and that is one of the reasons I weigh so much, that I actually eat quite healthily but just don't seem to burn it off, that I exercise fairly often etc - all utter bollocks - at least in my case it is - I am just greedy and weak willed.

So? A few months ago I decided a few things, I don't want to die because I am fat, that eating less and healthier and doing exercise was the only actual way to lose weight (shock horror!), and that lying to yourself and others about food was central to the never ending spiral of fat and under boobsweat in which I found myself.

With this in mind I decided to begin my daily diary (for the 3rd or 4th time) but more on that later. I would write down each day everything that I ate (good bad or immoral) and tell someone about it so as to cement it in some way. This was originally to take the form of a daily email to my mother and fellow dieting amigo to start with the chance that a wider roll out could be undertaken at some point as my story began to get famous and people got behind me. Given I have already tried this a few times and failed I thought I would wing my daily emails of food hell out to the wider web to see if the guilt of having to own up to the Internet would help.

The principal aim in this was of course to lose weight, however I suppose also I wanted to know if thin life was any different to that of the fat man. Would people look at me on the tube and think I am happy sitting next to him as he has no boob sweat, or would they recognise me for the fraud that I was, a former fatty trying to masquerade as a martini person? If nothing else it is my wedding in 18 months time and, as my fiancé pointed out to me, I don't want another set of photos that I hate.

Any way, the diet starts tomorrow so I bid you farewell till breakfast...